Peter Pan syndrome: how to reconcile with adulthood?

In the couple, are you the only responsible person? If your partner exudes carefreeness, he or she probably suffers from Peter Pan syndrome. Like the hero of JM Barrie’s tale, people who suffer from it perceive adulthood as terrifying. A complex that impacts the relationship in a negative way. How to recognize Peter Pan syndrome in your relationship? How to live with someone with this syndrome? At WeeklyWoo, we explain everything to you.

Peter Pan syndrome, what is it?

Peter Pan syndrome or the refusal to grow up

According to the DSM V, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Peter Pan syndrome is not considered a pathology. Here is how what is also called the Peter Pan complex is characterized:

• Although men are most affected, Peter Pan syndrome exists in women.
• It is a deep anxiety related to growing up
• The cause of Peter Pan syndrome comes from trauma or emotional disorders experienced in childhood
• The person suffers from immaturity and emotional interference
• She runs away from the responsibilities that define adulthood
• There is no test to diagnose Peter Pan syndrome
• The first symptoms appear in adolescence
• The manifestation of Peter Pan syndrome changes over time
• When left untreated, this syndrome can lead to depression or risky behavior.

Symptoms of Peter Pan syndrome

When you suffer from Peter Pan syndrome, different symptoms appear more or less markedly depending on the period of your life. We find :

• An inability to manage responsibilities
• A narcissistic and egocentric attitude
• Difficulty managing emotions
• The fear of being alone
• A lack of self-confidence
• Impulsiveness​
• Childish reactions
• Difficulty socializing
• A difficulty in relationship management
• A tendency to procrastinate
• The use of magical thinking, that is to say incoherent reasoning
• Strained relationships with his parents
• A tendency towards misogyny
• A depressive syndrome

How does Peter Pan syndrome manifest in couples?

At the start of a relationship, it can be difficult to realize that our partner suffers from Peter Pan syndrome. It is only when the relationship becomes serious that certain facets of our partner come to disrupt the well-being of the couple.

An unbalanced relationship

At first glance, a person with the Peter Pan complex may seem attractive because of the desire for carefreeness they convey. But the deeper the relationship becomes, the wider the gap between you.

Your partner, who refuses to face his responsibilities, places the weight of them on your shoulders. He adopts a childish attitude and clears himself of each of his actions.

His emotional interference sometimes causes him to blame you for his mood swings. He also uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants. This behavior induces a manipulation mechanism.

Gradually, you enter into a parent-child relationship and not an adult-adult relationship. This type of bond leads to a toxic relationship for both.

Difficult sexuality

A characteristic trait of people suffering from the Peter Pan complex is the difficult relationship with sexuality.

Their emotional immaturity makes them perceive sex as a dirty, shameful or disturbing act. They are therefore not comfortable with intimate relationships. This perception leads to different attitudes that can taint the relationship.

Your partner may be asexual. He feels very little sexual attraction and is not interested in being intimate with you. Your relationship is more of a platonic relationship.

Conversely, your partner may have unbridled sexuality. He shows immodesty and can push you to your limits. His practices are very daring and sometimes deviant. This is explained by his desire to prove his worth. He perceives you as a trophy that feeds his narcissism. In this case, sex is unrelated to the emotional bond.

Wendy syndrome, a toxic complementarity

Wendy syndrome is the act of mothering one’s partner. The person who suffers from it conceives love through the sacrifice of his or her own person. This perception of the couple also creates an unbalanced parent-child relationship.

When the two syndromes meet, the relationship is destructive, each reinforcing the disorders of the other. A harmful mirror effect that offers no possibility of healing for both people as long as they are together.

How to live with someone with Peter Pan syndrome?

The attitude to adopt in the relationship

When your partner is running away from their responsibilities, it’s human to want to help them. But by accepting the weight of his responsibilities, you validate his behavior. It is important to set boundaries about what is reasonable and what is not.

You can use pedagogy to explain why it is not your responsibility to take charge of this or that thing. The goal is to maintain a bond of equals.

Take some distance from your partner’s mood swings. It’s not about you, but rather an internal problem within your partner. As much as possible, don’t play into his game if he tries to make you feel guilty. This is manipulative behavior.

Your partner is not aware of his situation. Discussing this subject with kindness can help them open their eyes to the problem and come out of their denial.

Psychological follow-up to treat Peter Pan syndrome

To cure Peter Pan syndrome, psychotherapy is necessary. A mental health professional can help understand the root of the complex. Then, several follow-up sessions will help to remove the blockage and ease the internal conflict. Healed from his anxieties, your partner will be able to project himself into his adult life with peace of mind.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about Peter Pan Syndrome